There’s a moment when someone introduces their pronouns—He/Him/His, She/Her/Hers, They/Them/Theirs—and we nod in understanding. But what if we were honest? What if, deep down, many of our pronouns aren’t about gender at all, but rather Me/Myself/I?
We live in a world that often teaches us to prioritize our own needs, our own perspectives, and our own gains. We’ve been conditioned to think: What am I getting out of this? How does this conversation, this relationship, this opportunity serve me?
But what if we flipped the script?
What if, instead of focusing so much on Me/Myself/I, we embraced We/Us/Ours—not just in gender identity but in how we show up for each other?
The Power of Civility: More Understanding, Less Debate
When we engage with others, we often approach conversations through a lens of winning or losing, agreement or disagreement. But what if we focused instead on civility—the practice of understanding someone’s story before making a judgment?
Civility isn’t about debating someone into submission. It’s about asking:
✅ Do I understand where they’ve been?
✅ Do I respect their lived experience?
✅ Can I contribute something meaningful to their journey?
The goal isn’t to “win” an argument or convince someone to see the world as we do. It’s about creating bridges of understanding so that both people leave the conversation better than they entered it.
Giving Instead of Taking: A Different Approach to Connection
Instead of asking, What am I getting from this person?, we should be asking:
💡 What can I give?
💡 Is what I offer actually helpful for them?
💡 And if not, am I humble enough to step aside and let them find what they need elsewhere?
This shift in mindset is powerful. It acknowledges that:
- Not every relationship or conversation is meant to serve us directly. Some are simply meant to teach us.
- We don’t have to be at the center of everyone’s story. There are 8 billion people in the world. Not every interaction will lead to long-term connection, and that’s okay.
- Helping others find their way—whether it includes us or not—is a gift. The most secure and fulfilled people are those who support others without expectation of return.
Listening First, Speaking Later
If we really want to make an impact, we have to start with listening. Not waiting to talk. Not mentally drafting a rebuttal. Just… listening.
When we hear someone’s story, we gain insight into what they need, where they’re going, and whether we can help. If we can, amazing. If we can’t, we honor their journey and step aside with grace.
Serving others isn’t about forcing your way into their lives; it’s about recognizing when your presence is valuable and when it’s time to let go.
Stop Arguing. Start Being the Light.
At the end of the day, arguing with people—especially voluntarily engaging in unnecessary debates—is often more about our own insecurity than it is about proving a point.
If we are confident in the value we bring to humanity, then there’s no need to argue. No need to convince. No need to prove.
Instead, we become a light:
✨ A magnet for connection.
✨ A bright spot in someone’s day.
✨ A source of warmth and wisdom.
People don’t follow those who argue the loudest. They follow those who radiate clarity, purpose, and peace.
A Final Thought: We Are All Teachers and Students
Every single one of us has something to teach and something to learn. That’s why conversations aren’t just about making a point—they’re about exchanging experiences.
So the next time you introduce yourself with your pronouns, try expanding your mindset beyond just He/Him/His, She/Her/Hers, or They/Them/Theirs.
Ask yourself:
“Am I approaching this conversation with a mindset of Me/Myself/I, or am I embracing We/Us/Ours?”
The answer might just change everything.
Let’s Continue the Conversation!
💬 What’s a moment when shifting your focus from “I” to “We” changed your perspective? Share in the comments below!
🌎 Want more insights on civility, connection, and communication? Follow jeremyholloway for more thought-provoking discussions!
